Monday, October 4, 2010

Paging Warner Bros Executives

Boys, here's a tip. Batman is the dark, conflicted one. Superman is the cheerful optimistic sunny one. That's why he dresses in primary colors.

Therefore, the news that the next Superman film is going to be directed by Zack Snyder and produced by Christopher Nolan isn't welcome news. It's bad news. These guys are great at dark. Nolan is most famous for the latest Batman movies and Inception, Snyder brought us Watchmen and 300. Someone help me out here... how did 300 end? I'm having trouble remem -- oh yeah, Persians win, all the Spartans dead. Watchmen: the anti-Superman.

Bryan Singer's Superman Returns produced, well, disappointing Superman returns. In it, Superman was troubled, worried, and introspective. Going back to the last successful Superman series with Chris Reeve, the one that really derailed the franchise was Superman III, which had a subplot in which Superman was split off into a second, morose, hard-drinkin' Superman with a 5 o'clock shadow. WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS FORMULA THAT WB DOESN'T UNDERSTAND?

Here's what they can still do to salvage the franchise - keep their existentialist-despair hero and cast Jerry Seinfeld as the villain. Yes I know the villain is already slated to be General Zod, but work with me here. Seinfeld knows Superman better than anybody; watch reruns of his show and see how often he works in a reference. Seinfeld will find ways to balance out the dour hero with a funny, maybe even optimistic nemesis.  Otherwise, I'm warning you it's another $200 million spent to make $200,000,004.

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