My Life Among The Scream Queens

What a long strange weekend its been! I didn't have any plans of note until Tuesday, when I got a Facebook message from my friend Debra:

Hey there, Dan! I'm going to be down south this coming weekend to promote DISCIPLES!

Debra Lamb and I, today

A couple of decades ago I was in an improv troupe with Debra Lamb, but she's more known as a "scream queen", who's film credits include Beverly Hills Vamp, Stripped to Kill (1 AND 2), and an episode of Dream On. She got out of show business for a decade or two then recently was approached by a guy named Joe Hollow for Disciples, in which she will play a vampire/demon. 

The occasion for the appearance was Monsterpalooza, an expo and autograph fest in Burbank. It's the most fun I've ever had in a Marriott. Even if I hadn't known someone there, the opportunity to chat up Ann (War Of the Worlds) Robinson or Chris (Fright Night) Sarandon would have been hard to resist. In fact, all the major actors from Fright Night were there, and you could get a picture with any one of them for $25 bucks a pop. A guy I met got a group photo for $125, which seems a little excessive to me.

Linnea Quigley, Michael Berryman

What was great for me was hanging around the Disciples suite. I was sharing a space with Debra, and I'm used to that. But there was also Brinke Stevens and Michael Berryman (The Hills Have Eyes, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest), both seasoned pros with good stories and wry senses of humor. Also, we were right next door to the Return of the Living Dead suite, which meant being around Linnea Quigley and Don Califa. 

Now the thing you have to remember is that I had huge crushes on everyone in that last paragraph except for Berryman and Califa. And I ran movie theaters where I frequently projected their images on big screens. As far as I'm concerned, they are goddesses with teeth the size of basketballs and breasts as perfect and round as twin suns. And here they are, still beautiful sexy women (I'm not being nice, they ARE) only they're shorter than me and exhausted and tired, though still gracious. It's just a little disorienting, okay?

Leanne is the least sinister one

My girlfriend Leanne, who stayed at my side the whole time in case one of the scream queens took a shine to me, bought a copy of 1313: Cougar Cult. She herself is a cougar, and now I'm the one who is worried. Soon she'll be seducing young men and devouring their flesh, and then where will I be? I never should have introduced her to these people.